FOUR

I am multitudes. I not only contain them, I am them. I am dying. I am strong. I am gorgeous. I am disabled. I am a disordered eater. I am trying to recover. I am never going to recover. I am healable. I am incurable. I am contradictory. I look at my body and I see many things. I see a 35 year old woman in my face and hands. I see 7 surgeries in 12 months in my stomach. I see 5 rare disorders and 100 ones more common in my every cell. I see age in my eyes. There’s something having a life long eating disorder and a genetic condition that destroyed your stomach that keep how I look at the forefront of my mind. While I’m thinking about every body I see, I’m thinking about how everybody see my body. I worry I am not the right size or shape, I worry my arms are too long, I worry you can see my tubes or my ostomy. I worry what you can see.